I like the concept of this, especially with your description, but I can't help but to wonder if it might be more effective with a portrait orientation. I feel like the eye spends too much time trying to figure out what's going, and that moment of impact is lost in the confusion. I think this could be a really powerful, evocative image with a little bit of work. I love her hair, and how well you captured the texture of the wall behind her, nicely done.